It’s so very common for us to want to make sense out of those situations that rattle us to our very core. When I found out that I was pregnant for the second time, I was so very excited. My son was just a few months away from turning three years old. I never thought that I would be pregnant again, as it took me nine years to get pregnant the first time. Then the unthinkable happened, I started spotting, and I worried about it. As the days went by the spotting became more pronounced. And soon I had cramping, and drove to the OB’s office. It was there in the office, that it was confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. I drove myself to the hospital, and there they took me into the OR. I lost my baby, the desire of my heart, I was devastated. Try as I might, I couldn’t make sense out of it. And the first question that came to mind was Why? I remember sitting in my living room the day after and talking with my Pastor, and I said to him, “I just want to know why, why did I have to lose my baby?” And, during the conversation one of the things that he said to me was “What if you never find out why?” My reply to him was “That’s not acceptable to me, I have to know why.”
Asking why is common and normal. And, I found out that I’m not only the person who has asked why. Those Biblical giants Moses, Job, Elijah, Jonah, Paul, and even Jesus each asked God their own version of the why question. So the fact is that we are in good company when we ask God the “why” question. We appeal to God and ask Him for His Devine wisdom, so that we can understand. But the important part of asking God why is the frame of mind that we have when we ask the question. I love the point that Wendy Blight made when she said “God doesn’t forbid our “why” questions. It’s a matter of motive and expectation. If we question because we desperately want God’s perspective and kneel before Him with a humble and receptive heart, questions to God are productive and lead to a deeper faith. But if we come to God, defensively, with an angry heart, demanding our own way, it is unproductive and harmful to our faith.”
In some cases the Lord will tell us why, or it will become evident as time passes by. Or, as in the case of the loss of my baby, the why was never answered. We may never find out the why behind those devastating experiences. I grieved the loss of my baby, and every year on February 22nd, I think about that baby that I never got a chance to hold. If we never learn the why, we still have a decision to make, and that decision is are we still going to trust God? Will we recognize that He loves us, and wants the best for us?
I chose to still believe and trust God. I am sure that when my earthly life is over, and I am in God’s presence, He will answer every single one of my why questions.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4, ESV)