I love the way that God designed us humans. According to research the chances of you actually existing as you are quite astronomical, a source I consulted said that the odds of you being you is about 1 in 10 to the 2,685,000 power – or the number 10 followed by 2,685,000 zeroes. Statistics say that only about 20 percent of people will conceive during any given month, and I saw a quote that said the odds of being born is 1 in 400 million. We are walking and breathing miracles, each and every one of us. God gifts us with life and in such a miraculous way. Think about your body and everything entailed, your skin, your hair, your eyes, your mouth, every square inch of you inside and out is a miracle. Exactly everything about you was put together so that it is perfectly balanced and works precisely. Amazing isn’t it?
It also appears that true love, that once in a lifetime love, is very rare. One source I found stated that you have a chance of 1 out of 285,000 of meeting your perfect partner. Sounds daunting doesn’t it? Well at least I think it is. Some people find love in lots of places, and many of them seek out love in the wrong places. I contend that many people may never, ever find that kind of perfect true love. If we actively search out our “perfect” partner, you are either likely to get extremely frustrated, settle for someone who is not right for you, or perhaps you’ll give up entirely.
After my divorce, I made a conscious decision that I was not interested in getting married again, as my first marriage failed, and I was not going make the same mistake. I felt it was better to remain single. I was sure that I was never, ever going to find my true love, so I did not actively seek out love. But, God orchestrated circumstances in my life in such a manner that He brought me that totally unexpected, true miracle of my once in a lifetime love.
I’ve known my husband my entire life, and if you would have asked me six years ago if I thought I would marry Jim, my answer would have been an adamant no! We grew up together, we were comfortable with each other, in a way you would be comfortable with someone you’ve always known. We could talk about pretty much of anything, in fact we talked about things that I would have never discussed with someone that I was considering as a love interest. Circumstances brought us close, and during that closeness, I began to see Jim in a new light, away from those childhood memories. I saw what a really, really good man he became. His faith and values meshed together with mine. He has a truly generous character, loves his family fiercely, and has strong ideals. And seeing him in that new light became very appealing and attractive to me. Man, oh man, was I ever surprised! It really hit me unexpectedly, and I fought the idea for some time, because I simply didn’t believe it to be possible that I was falling for this man.
I’ve been thinking back on the discovery of our love together and it seemed to me that it progressed through stages. It may be that everyone progresses through the same stages, but I don’t know for sure. Here’s what I think happens:
The initial attraction
My once in a lifetime love story continues:
Attraction – that’s the one that I fought hard. I began to sense something more than I had ever experienced before when Jim was near me, or when we spoke on the phone. I was so happy when we were together, I looked forward to interaction with him. And while I thought that he was nice looking before, he became the most attractive man I’ve ever known.
Preoccupation – I thought about Jim all the time, and it sort of mingled in with the attraction phase. If I had been thirteen years old, I would have doodled his name all over paper with little hearts to dot the “i” in his name. I continued to look forward to interaction with him, whether it was in person or in conversations on the telephone. I arranged my time to fit into anticipation of when I would hear from him again.
Pondering – I thought about the possibility of being with him, and I thought about it a lot. So the progression of pondering and preoccupation seemed to coincide together. Mind you, I had not even thought about discussing with him that I was attracted to him.
Confession – We were in the middle of a telephone conversation when somehow or another, Jim asked me if I was considering a romantic relationship and I said yes, after that he paused then said “with me?” Well, it was the moment of truth for me, and I replied yes to the question. It seemed to me that my answer was met with dead silence. And for a moment I thought that I had said the wrong thing for sure! It was something that hit him by surprise. My memory of this conversation is a bit foggy, maybe because it was so very emotional to me. But, later he too confessed that he had been thinking about me in the same way, and he also fought the idea. It turned out that we both were having the same struggle and neither of us said anything about it. Jim’s answer to me, after the long pause, was “well, where do we go from here?”
Chemistry – Once we decided that we would like to attempt a romantic relationship which would lead to marriage, the chemistry between us was totally unbelievable. All he had to do was touch my arm or hold my hand and I was met with a surge that went through my entire body. To this day, I cannot explain it, all I know is I’ve never experienced anything like that before.
Romance – Oh we fit together so very well, and I found out just how romantic my future husband was. He is a true gentleman. Every door was opened for me, and continues to be so now. He’s taken me away to romantic retreats such as the Baltimore House, and some really fantastic bed and breakfasts. Our honeymoon was in the most beautiful cabin in the Smokey Mountains. He sings love songs to me. He’s showered me with beautiful flowers such as roses and even hand picks wild flowers for me.
Commitment – We got engaged shortly there after, as we both knew it was for real. We spoke about what we wanted our marriage to be like, and talked about how we wanted to progress. Our engagement was extremely short, maybe one of the shortest ever. We saw no reason to wait, so we were married by a Justice of the Peace two weeks after we became engaged.
Ceremony – As I said, our official legal ceremony was within two weeks. But, we had a true celebration of our marriage some seven months later, with a Blessing of our Marriage (wedding-like) ceremony in a church for friends and family. It was perhaps the most magical day of our lives. We both say that if there was one day that we could live over in our lives it would be that very day.
Marriage – I’ve been married to this wonderful man for nearly four years. Like any normal couple we have our moments and disagreements. However upset he is with me, or me with him, it fades into the background. That’s because we realize just how precious this love that we have is. I can truly say that my love for him has deepened into something even more beautiful than our whirlwind romance, engagement and ceremony. My heart warms when I think of him, it stills skips a beat when I see him in a crowd, I smile broadly when he pulls me close. And, I’m ever so content when he takes me into his arms. It’s a feeling that I wish everyone could experience, because it’s so very amazing, and it’s something that I thought I would never experience in my life.
I think that is how God designed marriage to be. We have a model of love, relationships, and marriages that are detailed for us in the Bible. And upon reading over so many things about love in the Bible, I think that when love is right it truly is a reflection of the love that God has for us.
That’s what God can do, He did it for me, and because of that I am sure that He does it for others. But to experience love the way that God designed it, I think that we need to be hands off, we need to get out of the way and let God be in control. When we try to project our desire of love and marriage onto someone else, we most likely will fail. As with pretty much everything, let God handle it, let Him work it through for you.
I give God all the credit and all the glory for my marriage. I basically threw my hands up, said “no way,” but God had a different idea. My marriage and my husband are among the greatest blessings that God ever gave to me. I think and pray about it daily, and I continue to be amazed about it. I for one am grateful that God has blessed me so. Now, if you pardon me, I am going to go give my husband a hug and tell him just how much he means to me.
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine;” (Song of Solomon 6:3a, ESV)